"I've got a little list" Lyrics

Re-written by John F. Schwaller © 2009

(With apologies to W. S. Gilbert)


As some day it might happen that a donor must be found
I’ve got a little list – I’ve got a little list,
Of alumni rich and wealthy who might well be patted down,
And who never should be missed – who never should be missed!
There’s the many stellar athletes who play for us all night,
All lawyers who win torts and suits fighting for what’s right,
All chemists who make recipes to solve our nagging woes,
All actors who take parts and roles in all the major shows,
And all teachers who help students when they need a big assist,
There’s none of them I’ll miss – There’s none of them I’ll miss.

Chorus:
He’s got them on his list – he’s got them on his list;
And there’s none of them he’ll miss – there’s none of them he’ll miss!

The music store retailer, and the others of his ilk,
The piano keyboardist – I’ve got them on my list!
And the people who make lots of dough on wheat or corn and milk,
They never should be missed – they never should be missed!
And the woman who has stocks and bonds, and lots of lovely things,
The houses, mansions, boats, and camps and even diamond rings,
And the lady from Schenectady who lives a life so high,
She moves off down to Lauderdale to simply watch the sky;
And that singular anomaly, the wealthy novelist,
I don’t think they’ll be missed – I don’t think they’ll be missed!

Chorus:
He’s got them on his list – he’s got them on his list;
And I don’t think they’ll be missed – I’m sure they’ll not be missed!

The diva of the opera who sings and acts on stage,
A music specialist – I’ve got her on my list!
All authors, scribes, and dramaturges, all those who smudge the page,
There’s none of them I’ll miss – there’s none of them I’ll miss!
And folks who work with rocks and stones, they call geologists,
And bankers, brokers, Wall Street types, investment specialists,
The nurses, doctors, surgeons, shrinks can always do their parts,
The graduates of all, I seek their dollars and their hearts.
And it really matters millions whom you put upon the list,
There’s none of them I’ll miss – there’s none of them I’ll miss!

Chorus:
You should put them on the list – You should put them on the list;
And there’s none of them he’ll miss – there’s none of them he’ll miss!